Christmas 2013 - The Reason for My Hope

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On December 14th, I celebrated my 19th birthday. It was an amazing day, especially because I was able to spend it with my boyfriend and his family. 

But I received a special blessing on my birthday this year while I was at Mass that night. I was praying, reflecting on Advent, how we are waiting, not only to celebrate Christ's birth, but also anticipating Him coming again. 

And I suddenly realized: "This is why we have any hope in this world."

If Jesus had not come, and if He does not return, we are helpless. We have no hope for a future. We are only living for ourselves in the moment - nothing matters without the redemption that comes from Jesus, our Emmanuel. 

I had great peace in reflecting on the fact that God sent His only son to be needy and poor - to be an infant - to redeem us in our fallen humanity. 

I don't know if I'll have any more updates until after I am back from Rome in January, so I hope that you are filled with the Spirit of Christmas, and the joy of the Christ Child, today, and all throughout the new year. 

See you in 2014 - and, rejoice, for unto us is born a Savior! 

"Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope."

1 Peter 3: 15

Update - My Hero Excerpt!

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Who has the most neglected blog on the internet, right?

I've learned that I punish myself for not writing by not allowing myself to make a blog post.

Which tells you just how long I went without writing.

But, for the past few days, I've been in a frenzy of writing productivity working on my long-overdue 2010 NaNo Novel!

Things are going very well. You would not believe how effective getting rid of Zach was.

I also changed a male character to a female character, which will make things a tiny bit tricky (you have no idea how annoying it is to have to change the masculine to feminine EVERYWHERE I've already written with this character).

I'll pause and explain WHY I did that.

I have 3 NaNoWriMo novels that are started and need to be rewritten to be finished. All three of those novels, 1) My Hero, 2) The Lion and the Frog, and 3) Leprechaun Holiday, have a 'big brother' character. This may have something to do with the fact that I don't have an older brother and have always wanted one.

Besides the 3 NaNo Novels, I have a 2-book set in my head based on the fairy tale Thumbelina, 4) Flower & Thorn, and 5) Tommelise, which will ALSO have a big brother character in it.

[Why are there too many story ideas and not enough time/energy to write them?]

So, I figured that wouldn't do. Books #2, #4, and #5 DEPEND on having a big brother character. So I'm working with what can be changed. Luckily, the fastest and easiest fix is to switch the big brother in My Hero to a big sister.

It actually makes more sense in the long run.

Yay!

Aside from those 5 potential novels, I actually have a musical in my head right now. The plot was originally from a story (obviously), but the story is about a couple who rashly decide to break their engagement off, and how they eventually learn they don't want to be with anyone else.

[WHY!?]

So, anyway, that's an update on what I'm working on.

And, to reward you for coming back to my blog after my embarrassing hiatus, I give you:

A NOVEL EXCERPT!

As usual, this is a first draft, so it may eventually be completely different, but for the time-being, its one of my favorite scenes I've written thus far. It's also one of those PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THIS SCENE WILL COME BACK AT SOME POINT IN THE BOOK scenes.

Enjoy!

“Look out!” a voice yelped.

Peach skidded to a stop right in front of Fr. Albert Gregg, the priest from Claypool who came to Bendbridge every Sunday to say the 10 a.m. Mass. Bendbridge had no priest of its own, only the big, broken down, supposedly haunted church. . Peach realized she and Sukie were nearly to the skate park – she was standing in the shadow of the St. Flannan’s Church steeple. Without thinking, Peach took a picture of Fr. Gregg’s startled face.

He laughed. “I look that good, huh?”

“Sorry, Father!” Peach cried. “I wasn’t watching where I was going,”

“No trouble,” he said. He lifted the stack of papers he held in his hands. “I’m just here to hang these around town,” He held one of them up, and Peach read the header quickly.  

ANNOUNCEMENT:

CHURCH OF ST. FLANNAN’S TO BE CLOSED AND DEMOLISHED SPRING 2011

Peach gasped involuntarily. “Oh my gosh – really?”

Fr. Gregg nodded, looking a little crestfallen. “Unfortunately, St. Flannan’s is being closed. The bishop sees no point in trying to keep it open. It needs too many repairs and doesn’t get enough donations,”

For some reason, Peach felt like crying. She wasn’t sure why. “I don’t want it to close,” she said sadly.

Fr. Gregg raised his eyebrows. “Do you go to church every Sunday, Patricia?”

Peach blushed, and shook her head sheepishly. “My mom works a lot of Sunday’s, and she wants me to stay home and clean for our renters, and…”

Fr. Gregg held up a hand to stop her. “I don’t need a confession, Patricia, I’m just trying to make a point. Very few people in Bendbridge even come to church every Sunday. And most of the people who do attend Mass drive to Claypool instead of going here in town. No one really likes the church. They all say it’s haunted. And maybe they’re right. Sometimes I’ve gotten plenty spooked in there. Anyway, it’ll be fine, Patricia. Anyone who is still interested in attending Mass can drive to Claypool either Saturday or Sunday,”

“Peach?” Sukie called from further down the sidewalk.

“Coming!” Peach replied, waving to her friend. She looked back at Fr. Gregg. “I’m still sorry. I’d go to Mass every day to keep it open. I’m going to miss it,”

Fr. Gregg smiled at her, and made her feel very stupid by patting her helmet. “Don’t get upset about any of it, Patricia. Keep reading your bible and praying, and everything will be fine,”

He hurried away into the Church, and Peach watched him go. She always felt like Fr. Gregg didn’t take anyone in Bendbridge seriously, and that made her sad, too.

She skated quickly to catch up with Sukie at the corner. They stopped to let some cars pass, and Peach found herself staring into the cemetery behind St. Flannan’s.

“What was that all about?” Sukie asked.

Peach sighed. “The church is going to close and they’re gonna tear it down in the spring,”

“Really?” Sukie sounded surprised. “Too bad. I wonder what they’ll put here instead. They can’t exactly move the cemetery,”

“I didn’t even think about that,” Peach said. Her Grandpa Roy’s grave was in the St. Flannan Cemetary. She hoped they didn’t stick a McDonalds or anything equally disrespectful in the center of town once the Church was gone. 

Photo Edits 11/27/13

Click to view larger. All editing done at PicMonkey.com

"Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough."

-Ernest Hemingway

Photo taken by my lovely sister Terese.

Houghton Falls, Washburn, WI. Photo taken by my grandmother.

Orvietto, Italy. Photo taken by Dawn V. 

Oh she could've been mine

but we ran out of summertime.

Out of Summertime - Scotty McCreary

The perfect words

never crossed my mind

'cause there was nothing in there

but you

Signal Fire - Snow Patrol

Photo taken by my sister Meg

when you were naive

you were so invincible

Soldier - Goo Goo Dolls

your skin

oh yeah

your skin and bones

turn in 

to something beautiful

Yellow - Coldplay

Photo taken by Terese

among my frivolous thoughts

i believe 

there are beautiful things

seen by the astronauts

Angels - Owl City

Photo taken by Meg

IDEAS

I found a quote from Neil Gaiman yesterday:

I like Neil Gaiman's answer, but even more so, I like the question. Where do you get ideas? 

That's a rather good question.

I've talked to a lot of people who are impressed by the fact that I like to write, and they say something along the lines of: "I want to write a book, but I don't have any good ideas,"

The truth may be that I am not exactly a helpful person, because I always say that EVERYONE has ideas, some people just don't know how to get them out of their heads. 

I've always had ideas. I remember when I couldn't read, and I ignored words because they meant nothing to me, I would sit in a very small corner between the fridge and the cupboard in my family's kitchen with the biggest picture book we had. I would sit and I would quietly say what I thought the characters in the pictures were saying - complete with different voices for each character. I was making up stories. I was full of ideas. 

That's never gone away; it's gotten stronger. I get ideas from many places. These are the one's off the top of my head...

1. In the shower (I don't know why, but showers are amazing for ideas).

2. Folding laundry (again...don't know why...).

3. Washing dishes (SERIOUSLY. I love washing dishes when I'm in a creative rut.).

4. Song lyrics (Who else has written an entire novel based off one song?).

5. Quotes.

6. Pictures.

7. Listening to people talk about their lives.* 

8. Books.

9. Long walks outside.

10. Single words.

11. Scenes from movies.

12. Memories.

13. * Heck, PEOPLE in general. 

Every new flower is a story. Every new song is an adventure. Ideas are everywhere. There is no limit to imagination. An idea can come from absolutely anything. I got a story idea from sea monkeys once. I have yet to write that book, but the idea seriously came from sea monkeys. 

I love ideas. They blossom from cracks in sidewalks. I once stood on a very small manhole cover labeled WATER and said, "This looks like it could be a time machine,"

See? An idea.

I have this terrible desire to make myself a T-shirt that says "I'LL PUT YOU IN A BOOK SOMEDAY" because every new person is a new idea, who could eventually wind up in another idea, and become a story. 

It's very true, what Mr. Gaiman says. Ideas do sometimes just come together like magic in an author's mind. But there's more to it than that. 

Ideas are everywhere. You just have to notice them. 

Pain and Greatness

This past Monday night, I couldn't sleep. Aside from having drank a large cup of espresso (don't do it), something had happened that was just making me feel so anxious and worried, and I had spent the whole evening trying to cover up that painful feeling of uncertainty. 

It wasn't even a big or important thing that happened. It was just that someone had not said something I expected them to, and it made me wonder if I'd done something wrong. But my heart is very sensitive, and that one little thing brought on all the things that had been bothering me for the past few weeks. 

When it rains, it pours. 

So I was lying in bed, trying to think of creative ways to numb the ache in my heart. And that was when God invited me not to run from my suffering, but to 'enter into it'. 

This is something I've been trying to wrap my head around ever since I wrote a very long, in depth paper on redemptive suffering. I started really wondering about pain, and how our pain can lead to healing. 

But, when we ARE in pain, the world tells us that the answer is to numb the pain, cover the pain up, make the pain GO AWAY. I believe that no one sets out to suffer. Sometimes people use physical pain to escape the deeper emotional and spiritual pain, but no one WANTS to suffer. That's why we have Tylenol and Advil, right? 

In contrast to what the world tells us, God tells us that we must not run from pain. We must truly experience pain by entering into it. We need to go into it and FEEL it, and see where its coming from. 

Pain, like fear, never goes away until you treat the cause of it. 

So I entered in. I let myself ask, "Why is this bothering me? Why would it be so painful if this thing I'm afraid of happened? Why am I trying to cover it up? And what about all these other things?"

I let myself cry, and I admitted to God, "I need You. I don't know how to make this go away. I don't know how to feel better. I don't know how to fix all these wounds and broken parts in me,"

I don't like pain. Especially emotional and spiritual pain. I avoid pain in ALL its ugly forms wherever I can. Most of all, I avoid things that scare me, because fear is more painful than anything else. 

The world tells me that's exactly what I should do. I should never just let pain happen. I should try and avoid it, and when it comes, I should cover it up right away. 

But, from now on, I am going to make every effort not to run from pain. Monday night was rough. I didn't want to enter into the labrinth of painful fears and wounds in my heart. It hurt, and I wanted to run away from it. 

However, after I'd just sat with the pain for a little while, I saw that it was OKAY to suffer. In fact, it was good to suffer in that particular moment. By not running away from it, by facing it, I was able to accept it. That acceptance made it much easier to bear, and I had a sense that everything would be alright. 

I remembered that pain goes away. If we face it, it has an end. 

Suffering is hard. It's painful. It's difficult to reconcile with what we believe about God's love for us. It's embarrassing to be vulnerable in our pain to others. It's uncomfortable. 

But Christ Himself suffered in the worst way in all of human history, so I will not run away from suffering anymore. I will unite my suffering with His. 

Because we were made for greatness, not comfort. 

Halloween 2013

On Halloween this year, I had to work all day. My boss told me I could dress up, so I was trying to figure out a good costume. I was originally going to be Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, but I had no sparkly red shoes. Without the shoes, that costume wasn't going to fly.

My second choice was Ms. Frizzle from The Magic School Bus, but it turns out dresses as ugly as that are REALLY hard to find.

So, at the very last minute, I raided my closet and came up with this.

edited with PicMonkey

 TA - DA! 

I was Eliza Doolittle! 

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And, as it turned out, I was the only one who dressed up, but it was still a lot of fun. The only bad part was the shoes I decided to wear were killing me two hours into my eight hour shift. 

And, yes, I chose to dress up as Eliza with the full knowledge that absolutely NO ONE was going to know who I was. But I was actually wrong; one woman knew immediately who I was. That was pretty cool. But among the other guesses I got:

2 people guessed I was Annie.

3 people thought I was Mary Poppins.

1 guy I work with thought I was someone from Fiddler on the Roof.

1 person guessed 'random homeless person'. Thanks.

And 1 person thought I was a hobo.

I find it interesting that the majority of the guesses were characters from a musical. That made me very happy. I was unmistakably from a musical, the only question was which musical.

For those of you (and by this, Steve, yes, I am talking about you) who don't know who Eliza Doolittle is or where she is from, here's my personal favorite song from the musical My Fair Lady, Wouldn't it Be Loverly.

Eliza is one of my top musical heroines for three reasons: 

1. She was played by Audrey Hepburn for the 1964 movie, and by Julie Andrews in the original Broadway production. 

That reason could stand on it's own. I mean, really. Audrey Hepburn and Julie Andrews. Enough said. But I do have two more reasons...

2. Eliza isn't a perfect character by any means. She's weird. She can be downright irritating. But she has a strength inside her that makes me love her. She's willing to work for what she wants, and she knows she has dignity and worth, even if she's just a 'poor flower girl'. When she's been 'made into a lady' by Professor Henry Higgins, she says something so profound.

She sums up the truth, that she may very well have been better off selling flowers in the streets:

"I sold flowers. I didn't sell myself. 

Now you've made a lady of me, I'm not fit to sell anything else," 

This realization helps her choose that she, herself, and the dignity she possesses, are more useful and important to her than being a lady, or being accepted by high society.

3. She loves Henry Higgins even though he's obnoxious, rude, and abrasive. She brings out the best in Higgins. I love that. I love that she doesn't care whether or not being in love is perfect and rosy for her. She just loves. *

My mom told me I should talk in a cockney accent all day, but I didn't think I could pull it off. Maybe another year. When I'm not at work all day.

Well, Happy Halloween 2013!

*I'm not 100% certain that she doesn't end up with Freddy and not Higgins. I found a synopsis of the movie with a note at the end suggesting that in the original play by George Bernard Shaw, she married Freddy. But in the movie, she pretty much dumps him. Either way, it doesn't negate my point. Eliza is capable of loving even the most unlovable of people. 

All Saints Day 2013

source Lord, have mercy on us. Christ, have mercy on us. Lord, have mercy on us. Christ, hear us.	Lord, have mercy on us. Christ, have mercy on us. Lord, have mercy on us. Christ, graciously hear us.
God, the Father of heaven, God the Son, Redeemer of the world, God the Holy Spirit, Holy Trinity, one God,	have mercy on us. have mercy on us. have mercy on us. have mercy on us.
Holy Mary, Holy Mother of God, Holy Virgin of virgins, St. Michael, St. Gabriel, St. Raphael, All you Holy Angels and Archangels, St. John the Baptist, St. Joseph, All you Holy Patriarchs and Prophets,	pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us.
St. Peter, St. Paul, St. Andrew, St. James, St. John, St. Thomas, St. James, St. Philip, St. Bartholomew, St. Matthew, St. Simon, St. Jude, St. Matthias, St. Barnabas, St. Luke, St. Mark, All you holy Apostles and Evangelists, All you holy Disciples of the Lord, All you holy Innocents,	pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us.
St. Stephen, St. Lawrence, St. Vincent, Sts. Fabian and Sebastian, Sts. John and Paul, Sts. Cosmos and Damian, All you holy Martyrs,	pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us.
St. Sylvester, St. Gregory, St. Ambrose, St. Augustine, St. Jerome, St. Martin, St. Nicholas, All you holy Bishops and Confessors, All you holy Doctors,	pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us.
St. Anthony, St. Benedict, St. Bernard, St. Dominic, St. Francis, All you holy Priests and Levites, All you holy Monks and Hermits,	pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us.
St. Mary Magdalene, St. Agatha, St. Lucy, St. Agnes, St. Cecilia, St. Anastasia, St. Catherine, St. Clare, All you holy Virgins and Widows, All you holy Saints of God,	pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us. pray for us.
Lord, be merciful, From all evil, From all sin, From your wrath, From a sudden and unprovided death, From the snares of the devil, From anger, hatred, and all ill-will, From the spirit of uncleanness, From lightning and tempest, From the scourge of earthquake, From plague, famine, and war, From everlasting death,	Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people.
By the mystery of your holy Incarnation, By your Coming, By your Birth, By your Baptism and holy fasting, By your Cross and Passion, By your Death and Burial, By your holy Resurrection, By your wonderful Ascension, By the coming of the Holy Spirit, On the day of judgment,	Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people. Lord, save your people.
Be merciful to us sinners,	Lord, hear our prayer.
That you will spare us, That you will pardon us, That it may please you to bring us to true      penance, Guide and protect your holy Church, Preserve in holy religion the Pope, and all      those in holy Orders, Humble the enemies of holy Church, Give peace and unity to the whole Christian      people, Bring back to the unity of the Church all      those who are straying, and bring all      unbelievers to the light of the Gospel, Strengthen and preserve us in your holy      service, Raise our minds to desire the things of      heaven, Reward all our benefactors with eternal      blessings, Deliver our souls from eternal damnation,      and the souls of our brethren, relatives,      and benefactors, Give and preserve the fruits of the earth, Grant eternal rest to all the faithful departed, That it may please You to hear and heed      us, Jesus, Son of the Living God,	Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer.Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of      the world, Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of      the world, Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of      the world,	Spare us, O Lord!Graciously hear us, O Lord! Have mercy on us.
Christ, hear us,Lord Jesus, hear our prayer. Lord, have mercy on us. Christ, have mercy on us. Lord, have mercy on us.	Christ, graciously hear us Lord Jesus, hear our prayer. Lord, have mercy on us. Christ, have mercy on us. Lord, have mercy on us.
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