Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

Monday, October 14, 2013

Favorite Color - PERFORMANCE POST


Molly K. (Sophie) kissing Aidan D. (Thomas)


Holy smokes. I just got back yesterday from what has now taken the honored spot of 'most amazing thing that's happened to me' in my life.

I got to attend both performances, Friday and Saturday, of the One Act Play Festival at the Words Players theater in Rochester, Minnesota.

RECAP:
As those who read my blog know, I wrote a short play called Favorite Color about a girl who tries to teach a blind boy about color through senses other than sight. It was so much fun, and I loved the story. Despite some rather crushing criticism, I couldn't be convinced that it wasn't beautiful, and I submitted it to Words Players, hoping they would choose it for the One Act Plays.

Not long after submitting Favorite Color, I learned that Words Players might be closing. I was upset at the thought of the theater closing down, and not actually because that would mean my play would never have a chance of being seen on a stage.

No - I was upset because, for me, it was a truly devastating thought that an organization as special and unique as Northland Words might be disappearing from the world. Fortunately, through donations, support, and prayers, the theater was able to stay open and the One Act Play festival would go on.

I learned that my play had been selected while I was at work on September 9th, 2013.

This past Friday, my Dad drove me to Rochester for the opening night of the One Act Plays...of my play.

I got to meet the most incredible people as soon as I walked into the theater. One of my fellow playwrights, a man named John Byrne, greeted me and immediately asked me about my play. It's cool and unusual for me to meet someone and have them just understand this weird thing that I did: write words for actors to repeat and walk around to.

Everyone was happy to see me - surprisingly so. I really did not expect so many people - directors, actors, audience members, staff - to approach me and tell me how happy they were that I came. I knew or recognized quite a few people from previous times that I'd been there, and for some reason I always feel at home when I walk into that place.

I was also surprised by the enthusiastic response of my family and friends who were there. My grandparents, my godfather, and my boyfriend's mom, grandma, and younger siblings came. The second night, my mom and all but 3 of my siblings came. It was so awesome to be able to share it with them.

My play was the second one performed both nights, and I cannot even express how perfect the cast was. A friend of mine, Abby, played the mother (or, in the case of the second performance, sister) character, which I couldn't have been happier about. I've known her as long as I've known Words Players, and it really was a blessing for her to be a part of it. Sophie Rood, my feisty female protagonist, was played by a wonderful young lady named Molly. Molly is seriously like Sophie come to life - she was absolutely, spot-on perfect. Thomas White was played by Aidan, and he made the character so believable. It was almost like watching a real conversation between two people.

And the strangest thing was, I had never before been able to imagine my play actually being performed. I had never been part of theater in any big way before, so it seemed to me that Favorite Color could never smoothly transition from words on a page to a performance. But it did. It was beautiful.

I don't want to sound pompous, but, of all seven plays, mine was my favorite. I enjoyed mine the most. Not just because I wrote it, but because the actors just ran with it and made it so completely delightful. I enjoyed seeing the play I had written really come to life.

I got to meet the cast of my play, and the young lady who directed it. It was like meeting long-lost friends. I immediately loved all of them, because they were part of something I had made. The second performance had a few changes, because after the first night, we talked about some of the ideas they'd had - they thought about changing Abby's character from the mother to the sister, so that she could be texting while she was supposed to be leading Thomas safely through the park. I told them I would love to see that, so on Saturday night, they did it.

Seated: Clare Speltz, author of FAVORITE COLOR
Standing: Abby Kuhlmann, Aidan Driscoll, director Valerie Sauder, Molly Kiley

Abby, Aidan, Valerie, Molly, and I.

There is so much more. So much. This was the greatest experience and biggest blessing of my life. I can't fit it all in one blog post; the things that were said and all the emotions I felt. And it really wasn't even that big of a deal; I wrote an 8 minute play, three kids performed it twice, and I just so happened to be there. 

But, when I had been told that my play was terrible, and I was sitting in front of my laptop, trying to weigh the criticism I'd received and trying to decide whether or not to scrap the whole thing, there was something that I asked God for very specifically. I asked that it would not get accepted by Words Players unless it would bring Him glory and honor. I said, "This is not mine, this is Yours. I give it to You." And if there was one thing that this play was, to me, and to so many people, it was a blessing. I have never felt so blessed by an experience before, and I know that is because my prayer was answered. My play brought God glory and honor in some small way, and that makes it a big deal. At least to me.

Sometime last year, I wrote these words on the top of a page in my writing notebook:

It may not change the world, 
but it changes you.

I wasn't even sure what I meant by this, until now. My play, and the experience of having it chosen and performed, may not have changed the world. But it has changed me. It has rekindled a fire in me that I was letting die out. It has shown me the power of completing something, and being brave enough to send it out into the world, and see what comes back.

If you would like to see my play, you can! The second performance was captured on tape and posted online. 


Also, if you would like to watch the Talk Back discussion I took part in after the performance, it is here. 

I hope you enjoy it - let me know! 

The question people have been asking me since Friday night is this: will I keep writing plays?

Absolutely. I may never stop. I never thought of having plays performed as a form of publication, but now I think it may be the best form. When a book gets published, everyone reads the same words. When a play is performed, every performance is unique. Little things are always new and better. I know of at least one woman who might die of joy if I wrote a play for the homeschool group my siblings are in, so that might be a good place to start. 


Abby Kuhlmann, author of JOURNEY TO MADRID, and Clare Speltz, author of FAVORITE COLOR


Abby and I, grinning because we're playwrights and we know it.

Thank you to everyone who has been a part of this in any way at all. 

Thank you Dad for being my biggest fan. Thank you Dad, Mom, and Anna for your editing and critiquing. Thank you Amy for being excited for me and with me. Thank you Steve for believing in me. Thank you Words Players for choosing my play. Thank you Valerie for directing it. Thank you Molly for being the best Sophie I could ask for. Thank you Aidan for being a perfect Thomas. Thank you Abby for being willing to take the role of mother/sister when someone else dropped out, and for being such a good friend. Thank you to Tim and Juliet for coming when I never imagined you would. Thank you Terri, Sandy, Maggie and Joe, for coming even though I'm just your son/grandson/brother's girlfriend. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa for coming and telling me my play was the best, even if it wasn't true. Thank you Catherine for coming all the way from West Saint Paul just for my play. Thank you Mom for coming all the way from home. Thank you Meg, for coming even though it was crazy inconvenient. Thank you Joe, Terese, and Ella for being so patient while I chatted till way past your bedtime. Thank you Daved Driscoll for being so generous with your time and opening up many doors for me to pray about. Thank you to everyone who went out of their way to tell me they loved it. Thank you to everyone whose name I may have forgotten, because I have not forgotten you. 
And thank you, for all your prayers and support. It means so much. 






Saturday, July 20, 2013

Reasons Why I am Beautiful

I am beautiful :)

I have made myself a promise. 

I am not going to talk, think, or act like I am not beautiful. 

Because I am. 

Denying that I am beautiful hurts me and it hurts the people who see the most beauty in me. 

I may not be perfect yet, but that is only because I have not fully become who I was made to be yet. 

But that doesn't make me any less beautiful.

So today, I made a list of all the reasons why I am beautiful. 

Here it is. 

Reasons Why I am Beautiful:

* God made me in His image and likeness, and who is more beautiful than God?

* I am a woman - the pinnacle of all Creation.

* I possess Feminine Genius.

* I am confident.

* I have long red hair.

* I have big brown eyes.

* I have freckles.

* I have a lovely smile that I use often. 

* I am honest.

* There is a great deal of love in my heart.

* There will never be another me, so no one can set a standard for how I should look. As long as I am the best version of myself, I am perfect. 



Stay beautiful.






Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day 2013

Today has been wonderful, especially because I am loved by God. In response to this, I made Him a Valentine.

"A VALENTINE?" You may say. "For GOD!?"
Why not? I love Him more than anyone else in the universe, so the least I can do is glue a little paper Valentine into my journal for Him!




In other news, I received plenty of chocolate to keep me from being overly penitential during this Lent (thank you, Steve!), and watched the movie Anastasia with my younger sister instead of writing history and literature papers. It has been a LOVELY day.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone, and may God bless you and show you how deeply you are loved!

"In this is love: 
not that we have loved God, 
but that he loved us 
and sent his Son 
as expiation for our sins."

- 1 John 4: 10

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Satisfied by God

I hope all of you are having a good, holy, and relatively happy Ash Wednesday! Fasting can be painful, but I'm pretty sure dying on the Cross was INFINITELY more painful for Jesus than anything we're going through right now. I am giving up my Tumblr for Lent, so I will definitely stop neglecting this blog and flood it with posts, I promise : )

Anyway, today I have come to a realization that God has a perfect plan. I have been aware of this for a long time, and I talk/think/pray about it a great deal. However, TODAY, through an e-mail from a friend, I came to the fullest awareness I have ever experienced of the fact that GOD HAS A PLAN, that is living and active in my life. 

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You remember Melina, my dear sweet wonderful friend who I met last month? She mentioned me and my blogs in her latest video (this is the sweetest thing ever, Melina, thank you!). I have been keeping in touch with her via e-mail, and she has been so kind as to pray for me as I wait patiently for God's will for me this year to be revealed. She asked me how this discernment was going, and I told her that so far I have come to be at peace WITH waiting on God, but I have also deeply discerned my call to marriage in a way that was unexpected and beautiful.

In response, with the theme of waiting, Melina told me about this amazing reflection that is attributed  to St. Anthony of Padua:

“Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But to a Christian, God says, “No, not until you are satisfied, Full and content with being loved by me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me. With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone.
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship, That I have planned for you. You will never be united to another until you are united with me. Exclusive of anyone or anything else. Exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow me to give you The most thrilling plan existing… one you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you. Just wait, that’s all. Don’t be anxious, don’t worry. Don’t look around at things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don’t look around at the things you think you want, Just keep looking off and away up to me,  Or you’ll miss what I want to show you, And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love Far more wonderful than you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working even at this moment. To have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me.”
-St. Anthony de Padua
I think I've heard about this reflection before, but it wasn't until Melina told me about it that I looked it up and read it. 
This has convicted me to the core.  The root of this conviction is the partial realization of the PLAN that God has for me. Three years ago, I went to my first NET retreat. It was an all-girls retreat, and I remember in my small group, we started talking about boys. Trust me, at a girls retreat, boys are discussed in depth. One of the girls told a story about how when we deeply desire to find the person we're called to marry, we have to fall in love with GOD before we can fall in love with a man. 
I think it's safe to say that I fell in love with God on that retreat. I was swept up in His goodness, faithfulness, mercy, and love. Through that retreat, I came to a point in my faith where it was MY OWN. It no longer mattered whether or not my parents stayed Catholic and made me go to Church and pray. I was going to pursue God FOR MYSELF, because I had tasted what He had for me, and I WANTED Him.
Today, it has been three years after that retreat where I heard this idea for the first time, that before we can find the person we're made to love, we need to find God and fall in love with Him. I have since  made the best friends I've ever had, deepened my relationship with God step by step, and actually applied for NET. Everything is connected somehow. And now, when I have truly, deeply, insanely discerned my call to marriage, I have my dear Melina, who sent me to these beautiful words from St. Anthony. 
I have had a beautiful and crazy year so far, and its only February. I am praying and praying about what my future holds, and I keep finding I have only been satisfied by God Himself. Yes, I'm called to marriage, but I can't find and love my future spouse until we are BOTH satisfied by God. 
God alone satisfies our every human desire. This post is ridiculously long, but if you stuck it out this far, I pray that you will let God satisfy you, no matter what He is calling you to. 
Have an awesome Lent! 

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Waiting

I just realized that my dear Anne Marie has been waiting to hear whether or not I got accepted to NET Ministries!

I did not. I received a letter two weeks ago saying that while I was not accepted for this coming NET year, they are going to contact me this October and ask me to strongly consider reapplying. The same thing happened to my older sister when she applied, and she was accepted the second time around and served for two years.

Will I reapply?

I have no idea. I really don't. I want to, but at the same time, I feel like maybe I'm just not cut out for it. The demanding lifestyle of a missionary sounds really awesome to me, but also really scary and difficult. I only applied this year because I knew God was asking me to. Now?

Well, now I am waiting. Waiting is super hard. It's boring. And it's also kind of scary. Because I have no idea what God wants of me anymore. Fortunately, God has given me peace about waiting, but stilll...it's WAITING. I have no idea what this year holds for me. All I know is that just hours before I read that letter, telling me I would not be serving on NET this coming school year, God promised me an adventure.

And He's promised that it will be amazing.

So. That's what I've been up to. Sorry for totally leaving you hanging, Anne Marie!

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Any Other Way - Tenth Avenue North


It's not enough
it's not enough
just to say that we're okay.
I need your hurt
I need your pain;
IT'S NOT LOVE 
ANY OTHER WAY.

I do this too often. I post something and say one or all of the following:

1. OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!!

2. This is absolutely beautiful.

3. This is amazing. LOVE IT WITH ME!!!!

So I am trying to avoid ALL of them and be unique this time, because I owe this blog a decent post. It's been too long. Here goes:

A while ago, I saw the refrain to this song written on a girl's avatar on an online Catholic girls forum I'm part of. I remember she was going through an EXTREMELY rough time in her life, and she took a lot of comfort from this song. 

Just this week, I was thinking about those words, I need your hurt, I need your pain, its not love any other way. I have only recently really started to LOVE other people, and that line resonated in my heart. I, too, have been going through a rough time, because I feel lost and alone and I just don't know where God is taking me anymore. 

So I looked up the song using the magical tool that is Google, and gave it a listen. I was blown away by how accurate the lyrics are. We hear a billion songs a day about what love is and what it looks like, and this was a completely new and 100% TRUE message. 

I'm at a place where I can see very clearly how blessed I am, and how beautiful my life is. Still, my heart is aching for things that aren't realized yet, and I feel broken. And I have this terrible tendency to keep that from God. I just weather the storm and thank God when it's over, but I don't GIVE it to Him. 

This song has helped me realize that if I really want to let God love me, I need to give Him my hurt and my pain. It's not love any other way.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

My wonderful weekend

This past weekend I interviewed with NET Ministries, because I feel that God is calling me to serve His Kingdom by ministering to youth who are in need of His love.

This weekend was absolutely fantastic. There were moments of great pain where the Devil tried to steal my peace in God's plan for me, but my Blessed Mother came to my rescue and her prayers helped me to trust again. I had so much fun, I grew closer to Christ, and I made some unbelievably awesome friends who I hope to keep for years, no matter who gets accepted this year.

One of my new friends, a magnificent young lady named Melina, I have actually been able to keep in touch with right away via e-mail, and I learned that she is a singer-songwriter slowly trying to work her way into the Christian music industry. Her videos are fantastic, and I wanted to share with all of you the one video that is my favorite so far. Please watch her videos and like them if you have a Youtube account (I do not)! She's trying to get 500 views this year, and she has a really beautiful voice :)


Melina is such a beautiful witness to God's unfailing love. I am honored to call her my friend. We're really different; she's confident and accomplished, I'm kind of goofy and procrastinating. But we share a common desire for Christ and His will above anything else. No one can take our Lord from us, no matter how we suffer or struggle in this life.

Please keep Melina, myself, and about 55 other young men and women who applied for NET this past weekend. We all desire to serve God in this way, and it is a journey that will take faith and strength, accepted or not.

In other news, my younger sister got back from Rome the Friday I was gone at my NET interview, and she bought me a gorgeous scarf and a big pile of Italian candy (I LOVE YOU MEG!!). I am starting my second semester of senior year. And that's about it!

God bless, and take care!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

NaNoWriMo 2012

It's that time of year again.

I had been hemming and hawing over whether or not I should actually do NaNo a THIRD year in a row, since I won the two years before.

I prayed about it, and I felt like God wanted me to do it, because I have a good story, and it would bring me a lot of joy.

So...get READY for some NaNoWriMo 2012 posts to flood my blog!




source

Monday, October 1, 2012

All This Time


I had the privilege of seeing Britt Nicole in concert last weekend, and it was fantastic. This is probably my favorite of all her awesome songs. It is so good to see her bringing God glory.

Also...

PLEASE remember to pray for those who self harm. They need love, support, and God's grace more than anything else.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Have a great Monday!