Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Bloomington Tales

I had to read The Canterbury Tales for school today. And write a prologue in 'the style' of said Canterbury Tales. Here's what was produced:

The Bloomington Tales
Now once a group strange and diverse
Decided, and set out, to traverse
The country from the West to Midwest and back again,
to reach the town of Bloomington
where lies the great American Mall;
there were five in our group in all.
Our purpose was to fill the Christmas lard
(and not wear out our credit cards).
There first was a frail and timid Librarian
named Mortimer Slothbar, a born Hungarian.
He lived for watching birds and books
and seemed a bird in all his looks;
his eyes were beady black and bright,
his face was narrow and quite white.
his legs were skinny, long and narrow,
and his coloring was just like that of a sparrow.
He was a master of many tongues;
Swahili, Dutch, and Chinese to name only some.
Next there was a Suburban Housewife,
who’d dreamed of this venture for most of her life,
especially the joy it could bring to her kids
(though the size of her budget was giving her fits).
She was tall, blonde, alert, and quite organized;
she kept to the map and she kept us in line.
She drove from the backseat until we
Just gave her the wheel; she made great time and fast speed.
Also along on our excursion from the west,
was a Doctor specializing in care of the heart in the chest.
He had a loud, booming voice and urged us all
to eat healthy and lose weight to prevent cholesterol.
He went on about how in the Mall all our walking
would do our hearts good and keep them tick-tocking.
Also along was his daughter, a Student from New York State
named Molly McMuffin, and her grades weren’t great.
The only thing I could tell she had learned
was that she could spend family money that she hadn’t earned.
Finally, Myself, and I’m not exciting;
I was only there because of their pushy inviting.
I had little interest in that enormous, grand mall,
and I was bored out of my gourd after not long at all.
Finally, I shouted, ‘Let us do something fun!
Who can come up with the best tale, before the trip’s done?
If you refuse then you pay for all our expenses!
Come on! Before I go out of my senses!
The winner will get a great meal from us all!
Come on! It’s still so far to the Mall!’
Surprisingly, each one agreed without fuss,
and we did ‘nose-goes’ to see who’d go first out of us.
The doctor’s nose was the last one to go,
and so he’d start it all off as we drove down the road…

Would you believe I got an A+? I even failed to capitalize one of my I's (I fixed it here, but...oops...).

Please note: This is not based on an actual event, but I have been to the Mall of America, and I do pretty much feel that way about it. 

I honestly cannot say if the rest of this will ever be written. 


  1. Simply brilliant, my dear. I have no trouble seeing where the A+ came from :)

  2. This was awesome. If your do not decide complete these tales of your own free will, I will come to your house and force you. I have my ways.