Some incoherent but true thoughts on my name...

Clare.

I was just thinking about how much I like my name. Which has very little with anything anyone else has ever told me about my name. One of the only comments I can recall ever hearing regarding my name was:

"You have such a GIRLY name!" 

(The girl who told me that is named 'Alexa' and I really don't see how that is a LESS girly name, but okay.)

But I was thinking about how few book or movie characters are ever named Clare. Which is a real shame, because my name is really awesome. The only movie I can think of with a character named Clare is Alvin and the Chipmunks (Woo hoo. Great.), and I honestly don't know that I've ever read a book where a major character was named Clare. I wonder why. It seems like we have no end of characters named Anna, Margaret, or Catherine. (I have sisters by all three of those names, by the way!)

I admit I used to dislike my name. When I was trying DESPERATELY to fit in with a bunch of girls who weren't all that nice OR special, I hated my name for several reasons:

1. Clare has no nicknames that come directly from the name. Unless we want to get REALLY creative. But aside from Clare Bear...yeah. Even the name Anna has nicknames: Annie, Anne, Anna Banana.

2. My parents did not choose the French spelling of the name, so there's no 'i' in my name. I literally begged my mom to let me spell my name Claire. The reason for that, embarrassingly, was because I wanted to be able to dot the 'i' with a heart. I'm ashamed of my younger self.

3. At the time, I firmly believed my name was boring. No one else was named Clare, and if they were, they spelled it the 'cool' way. Clare. Blah. How BORRRRING.

But, hey, I was kind of stuck with the name because a twelve year old has no legal rights with which to change their name. And what do you know? I GOT OVER IT!

No kidding.

Recently, I've kind of fallen in love with my name. If you ever say a word over and over and over, it starts to sound really foreign and you even wonder, "Am I even saying this correctly!?" I've done that with my name before. It goes something like:

Clare
Clare
Clare
Clare
Clare
Clare
Clare
Clare
clare
Cla--
Clare?
Clare....
Clareas
Clare
Clafjareokgkk;glll.....

Or if you say "CLARE" really slowly and pronounce that L as hard as you can, my name starts to sound very French.

We don't think about our names very often; we take them for granted. But they make a huge impact in the world. If you know someone's name, you have the power to address them, acknowledge them, and ultimately get to know them.

I think Clare is a beautiful name. I think it sounds elegant and dignified. From a very young age, I've known that my name means bright, clear, or famous. BRIGHT is the word most commonly associated with it. I love that. I have always loved that my name meant, basically, the opposite of 'dark'.

I was named after St. Clare of Assisi. In St. Clare's native tongue (Italian), the name is Chiara (KEY-ARE-UH). St. Clare is well-known and well-loved throughout the world because she loved God enough to give up everything for Him. I love being named after St. Clare. She's such a beautiful example of how to love and give heroically.

Names are important. I'm very grateful to my parents for giving me such a lovely and meaningful name. There's nothing better than when I hear someone say my name with respect or affection, "Clare,"

Me: Looking strange and unrecognizable due to hair being abnormally fabulous one day.

Anthem Lights: Best of 2012 Pop Mashup

I discovered Anthem Lights on Youtube this week while I was writing a history paper (haha), and I think this is the most incredible thing I have ever heard. Hope you enjoy it. (And yes, Darling, I know Call Me Maybe is in it. Listen to it anyway.)

Defining Joy: In memory of those killed and injured this week.

Today, my composition assignment was to define something in the style of St. Paul, particularly imitating 1 Corinthians 13. Since 1 Cor. 13 talks about love, I wanted to pick a subject that was similar in nature so it would be easier to incorporate the style. I learned this the hard way after having to rewrite the same scene five times last week. So, I chose to define JOY.
As I started writing, I began thinking about the Boston Marathon tragedy that occurred on Monday.  I was at work at the time, and one of my coworkers told me she'd heard about it on the radio. I didn't understand at first, wondering if I heard her right. Why would someone bomb a marathon?
No one actually knows WHY someone bombed the finish line, why they wanted to harm so many innocent people, why they were willing to create destruction that killed at least 3 people.
So as I was writing about the definition of joy, I thought about everyone who is experiencing unbelievable sorrow after the bombing. Joy, unlike happiness, can exist at the same time as sorrow. While my heart is broken for everyone who was harmed and even killed, I am still so joyful and thankful for everyone who is alive today who was minutes, even seconds, from being killed. I have joy in seeing the response of millions of people who are uniting their prayers and sympathies with everyone who was injured and the families of those who were killed. 
I just found out that a chemical plant in West, Texas blew up yesterday and at least fifteen people were killed. Someone tried to poison President Barack Obama. And two 14 year old kids have been charged with murder after killing a homeless person on a dare. Just this week. 
JOY comes from God, who loves us and promises He is still and always will be GOOD, even when there is evil and tragedy in this world.

Here are my three short writings on joy. The first one is in my own style, just some stuff I threw down to get ideas and a basis. The second is my rewrite in the style of St. Paul. The third is the revised version of that rewrite. 
In loving memory of the victims of the Boston Marathon Bombing, 4/15/13, the victims of the Texas Blast, 4/17/13, and for all victims of senseless violence. May they all find strength in the joy of the Lord.

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4/18/13

Definition

My definition in my own style: Joy

Joy. Joy isn’t easy to define, because it is not a synonym for happiness as language leads us to

believe. I have heard many people say that they have experienced joy within their hearts even at the

same time as experiencing deep sorrow or pain. It is a Christian virtue; the JOY of the Lord is our

strength. It is not simply a feeling; it is transcendent. It is not ignoring sadness, or ignoring situations that are contrary to good feelings and happiness. Joy is, in a sense, the overcoming of sorrow. It is delight in some great, unchanging good that no evil, sorrow, or pain can overcome.  Joy is never losing sight of the fact that we are all loved into being by God, and delight in that Love creates something much deeper and permanent than happiness.

My definition rewritten in the style of St. Paul (1 Cor. 13, KJV version): Joy

Though I smile and laugh with people around me, if I do not have joy, it is all superficial, and

lasts but a moment before it comes to nothing.

And though I am cheerful and my circumstances are good and I can forget my troubles and

fears, and if I have all the friends and good company in the world, and can be merry to forget my

hardships, if I do not have joy, it is a passing moment and will give way to other things.

And though I go out of my way to avoid bad news and difficulties and the problems of the

world around me, and though I am known for being a happy person and always willing to smile, if I do not have joy, it cannot last and will do no good to anyone.

Joy can endure; it is lasting; it is self-perpetuating by the merits it leaves behind; it is contagious; it is mysterious and desirable;

It leads people to be freer than they were before; it gives hope and strength to the heart; it

makes a change in those who possess it that is pleasing and perplexing;

It does not flaunt itself, but shines gently from the hearts of those who have it; it cannot help

itself.

Joy can endure what may come. If there is trouble or pain in the world, or within me, joy can

outlast it; if there is fear and uncertainty all around me, joy can overcome it.

For when we are happy, we have a taste of what joy is, but it is only a taste.

When we experience joy, true joy, that taste will turn into a savoring of the bliss and delight

heaven can dispose us to.

When I was young, the goal of my life was to be happy. I avoided what was painful and desired

what felt good; but when I grew older, I desired something better than what felt good; I desired what I

was made for.

And even now when we savor joy in this world, when we reach our heavenly home, our joy will

never be shaken. It will be unadulterated; we will feel only delight in realizing all that we are and all

we’ve been given.

Be happy, be merry, be cheerful, but above all, take joy: for the joy of the Lord is our strength.

My definition rewritten in the style of St. Paul (1 Cor. 13, KJV version): Joy REVISED

Though I smile and laugh with people around me, but I have not joy, it is nothing.

And though I am cheerful and my circumstances are good and I can forget my troubles and

fears, and if I have all the friends and good company in the world, and can be merry to forget my

hardships, if I do not have joy, it is nothing.

And though I go out of my way to avoid bad news and difficulties and the problems of the

world around me, and though I am known for being a happy person and always willing to smile, if I do not have joy, it will not profit me.

Joy can endure; it is lasting; it is self-perpetuating by the merits it leaves behind; it is not

ineffective but contagious; it is mysterious;

It is not binding but freeing to those who find it; it is not self-seeking but self-giving; it is not

easily shaken by external forces:

It comes not from emotions but from a person; Christ Jesus;

Joy never fails. If there is trouble or pain in the world, joy can outlast it; if there is fear and

uncertainty all around me, joy can overcome it.

For when we are happy, we have a taste of what joy is, but it is only a taste.

But when perfect joy enters our hearts, the partial joy of happiness will pass away.

When I was a child, I perceived happiness as a child, I sought it as a child, I made it the goal of

my life as a child; when I grew older, I put away emotions for something greater.

Be happy, be merry, be cheerful, but above all, take joy: for the joy of the Lord is our strength.

Composition Pondering: Can Language Convey Reality & Hemingway vs. Joyce

Just some fast thoughts I typed out prompted by my Composition assignments of the past couple weeks. I was imitating Ernest Hemingway and James Joyce and was asked which I preferred, and also whether or not I feel language can successfully convey reality. Nothing formal, so this is what I came up with Enjoy!

Can language ever do reality justice? Is it better to be Hemingway, the clear, the concise, or Joyce, the flowery, the metaphorical? I think language shapes reality; what we do and say, think and feel, all work together to make up reality, and language is how we retell reality. Can language always convey reality, capture it, reproduce it? 
No, of course not. Most of the time language fails miserable to do what we ask of it. Most of the time language is nothing but words, words, words, and they fall into place all wrong so that when we mean to say something meaningful, it comes out being funny, or vice versa. 
If I say that today I went shopping at Wal-Mart and bought seven things for under $35, does that convey reality? Yes, but it doesn’t convey anything but some of the facts. 
Reality is multifaceted, and the thing that makes language so magical, yet so maddeningly limited, is that it is not as multifaceted as life is. It takes us more time to describe a flower than it did for us to see the flower, smell the flower, touch the flower, smile at the flower, pick the flower, and put the flower in a vase. 
Language is limited, but that is where human beings come in. We all choose what is most important to us and use the language we have to express that importance. 
One person might simply say ‘the flower was a lily’, and another might have no idea what kind of flower it is and slowly and accurately describe a lily, and so well that anyone who has seen a lily before thinks, “Oh, it’s a lily!” 
So, back to that one question: Whose style captures ‘reality’, better: Hemingway’s or Joyce’s? Personally, I think the best way to capture reality is to use a mixture of both the stark fact of Hemingway and the romantic depth and confusion of Joyce. One alone lacks something that we experience in reality; the multifaceted beauty and experience within life itself.

Writing a Play

As some of you may recall, last April (a year ago!) I posted that I was participating in something called Script Frenzy. I made a grand total of two posts on the topic.

Post #1

Post #2

Let's just say that my Script Frenzy was little more than an epic fail. I guess writing three 50,000 word novels is WAY easier for me than one 100 page play script. I think I reached a grand total of four pages and quit.

But recently, I found out about a theater group here in Minnesota looking for original short plays to perform this summer. I know this theater group pretty well; my dad loves them and we take a long drive to Rochester just to see a lot of their stuff. (This is the same group I saw perform Into the Woods that I talked about in this post) I've met several people in the group, and I thought, "I would love to write a play for them." They are wildly creative and extremely professional, and I know they would love to at least read something I wrote.

So I've decided to write a short play, just to see what happens. This will be much easier than Script Frenzy, because the play can only be roughly fifteen to thirty minutes long at the most, and I have until the summer to complete it. I'm praying to be able to write a good play, because I'm not going to lie, I would LOVE to have this theater group perform something I wrote.

Do I have an idea?

Why, yes, actually.

It was an idea I had for a short story with the working title of "Favorite Color", about a blind boy and a girl who tries to teach him about colors without using the sense of sight to describe them. I don't remember when the idea first came to me, but it's been working itself out in my head for a while now. Its not going to be easy getting it all written down, especially not in play format. Originally I wanted the characters to be like, six or seven, but the more I played with that idea the less it made sense. So I thought about making them both teenagers. But, for the sake of the innocent quality of the story that I really want, I think they can't be any older than twelve. That's just one of the many, many details I need to start working out. But I'm not going to give up, and if I have time and inspiration, I'll write another one and send in two. Who knows?

I have been really, really, REALLY bad at taking opportunities lately. I think about things, talk about them, and just watch them slide by. I don't want to be that way anymore. So, I'm going to fight for this one. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make a truly beautiful play.

If you feel so inclined, I would appreciate prayers. I want this to bring God glory in some small way, and I can't do that without grace.

I will keep you updated and let you know how it goes!

Enjoy your Wednesday : )