Pain and Greatness

This past Monday night, I couldn't sleep. Aside from having drank a large cup of espresso (don't do it), something had happened that was just making me feel so anxious and worried, and I had spent the whole evening trying to cover up that painful feeling of uncertainty. 

It wasn't even a big or important thing that happened. It was just that someone had not said something I expected them to, and it made me wonder if I'd done something wrong. But my heart is very sensitive, and that one little thing brought on all the things that had been bothering me for the past few weeks. 

When it rains, it pours. 

So I was lying in bed, trying to think of creative ways to numb the ache in my heart. And that was when God invited me not to run from my suffering, but to 'enter into it'. 

This is something I've been trying to wrap my head around ever since I wrote a very long, in depth paper on redemptive suffering. I started really wondering about pain, and how our pain can lead to healing. 

But, when we ARE in pain, the world tells us that the answer is to numb the pain, cover the pain up, make the pain GO AWAY. I believe that no one sets out to suffer. Sometimes people use physical pain to escape the deeper emotional and spiritual pain, but no one WANTS to suffer. That's why we have Tylenol and Advil, right? 

In contrast to what the world tells us, God tells us that we must not run from pain. We must truly experience pain by entering into it. We need to go into it and FEEL it, and see where its coming from. 

Pain, like fear, never goes away until you treat the cause of it. 

So I entered in. I let myself ask, "Why is this bothering me? Why would it be so painful if this thing I'm afraid of happened? Why am I trying to cover it up? And what about all these other things?"

I let myself cry, and I admitted to God, "I need You. I don't know how to make this go away. I don't know how to feel better. I don't know how to fix all these wounds and broken parts in me,"

I don't like pain. Especially emotional and spiritual pain. I avoid pain in ALL its ugly forms wherever I can. Most of all, I avoid things that scare me, because fear is more painful than anything else. 

The world tells me that's exactly what I should do. I should never just let pain happen. I should try and avoid it, and when it comes, I should cover it up right away. 

But, from now on, I am going to make every effort not to run from pain. Monday night was rough. I didn't want to enter into the labrinth of painful fears and wounds in my heart. It hurt, and I wanted to run away from it. 

However, after I'd just sat with the pain for a little while, I saw that it was OKAY to suffer. In fact, it was good to suffer in that particular moment. By not running away from it, by facing it, I was able to accept it. That acceptance made it much easier to bear, and I had a sense that everything would be alright. 

I remembered that pain goes away. If we face it, it has an end. 

Suffering is hard. It's painful. It's difficult to reconcile with what we believe about God's love for us. It's embarrassing to be vulnerable in our pain to others. It's uncomfortable. 

But Christ Himself suffered in the worst way in all of human history, so I will not run away from suffering anymore. I will unite my suffering with His. 

Because we were made for greatness, not comfort. 

The Weight of Glory

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"There are no ordinary people. 

You have never talked to a mere mortal. 

Nations, cultures, arts, civilization—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. 

But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. 

This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. 

We must play. 

But our merriment must be of that kind 
(and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) 
which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously — no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. 

And our charity must be real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner—no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. 

Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses."

The Weight of Glory - C. S. Lewis

External Processing

Flannery O'Connor must have processed everything externally, too. 

Happy Wednesday!

Mother's Day 2013

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My mom has nine children, of which I am the third. Three of her children have thrown up in the past 24 hours. She hasn't slept through the night in weeks. The cat just figured out a way to get into our house from the garage. She drives me to work whenever I need her to. She paid for my passport when I went to Italy. She cleaned the mold out of my shower because I was too busy (and lazy) to do it. She deals with every emotional breakdown her many daughters have each week. She is supportive of all our hopes and dreams and gives us good advice.

Seriously, if there is one woman who deserves Mother's Day, it is MY mom.

To my wonderful Mommy. I love you so very much and I am so grateful for my life and the lives of all my brothers and sisters. You are amazing and I hope I can make you proud by the way I live the life you gave me.

Love,

Your Clare

If you want to, you can.

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At the beginning of the school year last fall, I found this quote in my theology book. It spoke directly to my heart, and it still does. 

"In your life, there are two things that do not fit together: your head and your heart. Your intelligence — enlightened by faith — shows you the way clearly. It can also point out the difference between following that way heroically or stupidly. Above all, it places before you the divine greatness and beauty of the undertakings the Trinity leaves in our hands. Your feelings, on the other hand, become attached to everything you despise, even while you consider it despicable. It seems as if a thousand trifles were awaiting the least opportunity, and as soon as your poor will is weakened, through physical tiredness or lack of supernatural outlook, those little things pile up and excite your imagination, until they form a mountain that oppresses and discourages you. Things such as the rough edges of your work, your resistance to obedience; the lack of proper means; the will-o’-the-wisp attractions of an easy life; greater or smaller repugnant temptations; bouts of over-sentimentality; tiredness; the bitter taste of spiritual mediocrity… And sometimes also fear; fear because you know God wants you to be a saint, and you are not a saint. Allow me to talk to you bluntly. You have more than enough “reasons” to turn back, and you lack the resolution to correspond to the grace that He grants you, since He has called you to be another Christ — ipse Christus! — Christ himself. You have forgotten the Lord’s admonition to the Apostle: “My grace is enough for you!”, which is confirmation that, if you want to, you can." — Saint Josemaría Escrivá , Furrow, 166 source Also! Today, hundreds of thousands of people were in Washington D. C. for the March for Life to show the world they will not sit by while abortion takes place in our country. I pray that Saint Josemaría Escrivá would intercede for the world at the throne of Heaven, that we may live to see the end of legalized abortion and crimes against the dignity of human life. Through the Holy Name of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I pray, Amen.

I love this

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You go, girl.

I've never read any of J. K. Rowling's books, but this is incredible!


“

‘Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.

I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…

I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’

‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’

What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!

I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons.

”

—	J.K. Rowling (via steferine) source

Style

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Synopsis of Self

“I am in Love and out of it I will not go.”

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C.S Lewis

The Man of a Hundred Quotes

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Also known as G. K. Chesterton.

Best British genius ever.

“Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” 

“Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.” 

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” 

“The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.” 

“The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.” 

“A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.” 

“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.” 

“There is the great lesson of 'Beauty and the Beast,' that a thing must be loved before it is lovable.” 

“An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.” 

“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” 

“Do not be so open-minded that your brains fall out.” 

“Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” 

“Love is not blind; that is the last thing that it is. Love is bound; and the more it is bound the less it is blind.” 

“There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds.” 

“If seeds in the black earth can turn into such beautiful roses, what might not the heart of man become in its long journey toward the stars?” 

“The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen.” 

“If you happen to read fairy tales, you will observe that one idea runs from one end of them to the other--the idea that peace and happiness can only exist on some condition. This idea, which is the core of ethics, is the core of the nursery-tales.” 

“There are two ways of getting home; and one of them is to stay there.” 

“The man who kills a man kills a man.
The man who kills himself kills all men.
As far as he is concerned, he wipes out the world.” 

“I earnestly hope that all children will spoil this book by painting the illustrations. I wanted to do this myself but the publishers would not let me. But let the colours you lay on be violent, gorgeous, terrific colours, because my feelings are like that.”

“Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.” 

“Dear Sir: Regarding your article 'What's Wrong with the World?' I am. Yours truly,”
― G.K. Chesterton

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