Restless

An anticipated surprise.

There's an oxymoron.

If you anticipate a surprise, it isn't a surprise anymore.

It's like expecting the unexpected.

Not literally possible.

So...why am I waiting for a surprise?

I hear a noise behind me, and my petty, gift-loving self perks up its ears and says, "Is that somebody about to surprise me!?"

I think that must be a sign of progressing insanity.

Why on earth do I keep thinking someone, or something, is going to surprise me?

Why am I  waiting for something special?

Do I really deserve something out of the ordinary...something surprising?


Is it wrong to long for surprise?

Should I go looking for my own kind of surprise...or make my own?


Am I unhappy with the ordinary? Am I bored? Or do I need to climb up onto my desk and look at everything from a different perspective?

So many questions...and what is it I'm waiting for?

When you're young, there is so much to anticipate, that sometimes it negates what has happened, and more importantly, what is happening. I think maybe that's what's happening now.

Maybe my expectations have swallowed up my existence.

"Our hearts are restless until they rest in You, oh Lord."

--St. Augustine

Dear God, please help me to let go of this need for something besides You. This restlessness, this need to be jolted awake, this desire for surprise, I believe You have placed it within me. Help me to turn the entirety of this desire to You, in Whom alone my heart can find rest. Let every restless heart find peace in You, oh Lord. Let us anticipate Your love and Your call above all else. Amen.

"There is nothing more beautiful than to be surprised by the Gospel, by the encounter with Christ."

--Pope Benedict XVI