Once again, Melina has done an amazing cover of an amazing song! This one is for a Youtube contest, so I offered to shamelessly promote her. I had never heard the song Never Gone by Colton Dixon before (which is a shame because it's amazing!), so I looked it up after I listened to Melina's version.
I actually like her's better! I still love Colton Dixon's original, but her acoustic cover was so impressive, beautiful and passionate to me. So give her a listen and pray for her; she will be serving with NET Ministries starting in August, and she's trying to get into the Christian music industry someday.
Today has been wonderful, especially because I am loved by God. In response to this, I made Him a Valentine.
"A VALENTINE?" You may say. "For GOD!?"
Why not? I love Him more than anyone else in the universe, so the least I can do is glue a little paper Valentine into my journal for Him!
In other news, I received plenty of chocolate to keep me from being overly penitential during this Lent (thank you, Steve!), and watched the movie Anastasia with my younger sister instead of writing history and literature papers. It has been a LOVELY day.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone, and may God bless you and show you how deeply you are loved!
I hope all of you are having a good, holy, and relatively happy Ash Wednesday! Fasting can be painful, but I'm pretty sure dying on the Cross was INFINITELY more painful for Jesus than anything we're going through right now. I am giving up my Tumblr for Lent, so I will definitely stop neglecting this blog and flood it with posts, I promise : )
Anyway, today I have come to a realization that God has a perfect plan. I have been aware of this for a long time, and I talk/think/pray about it a great deal. However, TODAY, through an e-mail from a friend, I came to the fullest awareness I have ever experienced of the fact that GOD HAS A PLAN, that is living and active in my life.
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You remember Melina, my dear sweet wonderful friend who I met last month? She mentioned me and my blogs in her latest video (this is the sweetest thing ever, Melina, thank you!). I have been keeping in touch with her via e-mail, and she has been so kind as to pray for me as I wait patiently for God's will for me this year to be revealed. She asked me how this discernment was going, and I told her that so far I have come to be at peace WITH waiting on God, but I have also deeply discerned my call to marriage in a way that was unexpected and beautiful.
In response, with the theme of waiting, Melina told me about this amazing reflection that is attributed to St. Anthony of Padua:
“Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But to a Christian, God says, “No, not until you are satisfied, Full and content with being loved by me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me. With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone.
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship, That I have planned for you. You will never be united to another until you are united with me. Exclusive of anyone or anything else. Exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow me to give you The most thrilling plan existing… one you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you. Just wait, that’s all. Don’t be anxious, don’t worry. Don’t look around at things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don’t look around at the things you think you want, Just keep looking off and away up to me, Or you’ll miss what I want to show you, And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love Far more wonderful than you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working even at this moment. To have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me.”
I think I've heard about this reflection before, but it wasn't until Melina told me about it that I looked it up and read it.
This has convicted me to the core. The root of this conviction is the partial realization of the PLAN that God has for me. Three years ago, I went to my first NET retreat. It was an all-girls retreat, and I remember in my small group, we started talking about boys. Trust me, at a girls retreat, boys are discussed in depth. One of the girls told a story about how when we deeply desire to find the person we're called to marry, we have to fall in love with GOD before we can fall in love with a man.
I think it's safe to say that I fell in love with God on that retreat. I was swept up in His goodness, faithfulness, mercy, and love. Through that retreat, I came to a point in my faith where it was MY OWN. It no longer mattered whether or not my parents stayed Catholic and made me go to Church and pray. I was going to pursue God FOR MYSELF, because I had tasted what He had for me, and I WANTED Him.
Today, it has been three years after that retreat where I heard this idea for the first time, that before we can find the person we're made to love, we need to find God and fall in love with Him. I have since made the best friends I've ever had, deepened my relationship with God step by step, and actually applied for NET. Everything is connected somehow. And now, when I have truly, deeply, insanely discerned my call to marriage, I have my dear Melina, who sent me to these beautiful words from St. Anthony.
I have had a beautiful and crazy year so far, and its only February. I am praying and praying about what my future holds, and I keep finding I have only been satisfied by God Himself. Yes, I'm called to marriage, but I can't find and love my future spouse until we are BOTH satisfied by God.
God alone satisfies our every human desire. This post is ridiculously long, but if you stuck it out this far, I pray that you will let God satisfy you, no matter what He is calling you to.
This past weekend I interviewed with NET Ministries, because I feel that God is calling me to serve His Kingdom by ministering to youth who are in need of His love.
This weekend was absolutely fantastic. There were moments of great pain where the Devil tried to steal my peace in God's plan for me, but my Blessed Mother came to my rescue and her prayers helped me to trust again. I had so much fun, I grew closer to Christ, and I made some unbelievably awesome friends who I hope to keep for years, no matter who gets accepted this year.
One of my new friends, a magnificent young lady named Melina, I have actually been able to keep in touch with right away via e-mail, and I learned that she is a singer-songwriter slowly trying to work her way into the Christian music industry. Her videos are fantastic, and I wanted to share with all of you the one video that is my favorite so far. Please watch her videos and like them if you have a Youtube account (I do not)! She's trying to get 500 views this year, and she has a really beautiful voice :)
Melina is such a beautiful witness to God's unfailing love. I am honored to call her my friend. We're really different; she's confident and accomplished, I'm kind of goofy and procrastinating. But we share a common desire for Christ and His will above anything else. No one can take our Lord from us, no matter how we suffer or struggle in this life.
Please keep Melina, myself, and about 55 other young men and women who applied for NET this past weekend. We all desire to serve God in this way, and it is a journey that will take faith and strength, accepted or not.
In other news, my younger sister got back from Rome the Friday I was gone at my NET interview, and she bought me a gorgeous scarf and a big pile of Italian candy (I LOVE YOU MEG!!). I am starting my second semester of senior year. And that's about it!
Last year on this day I was in Rome, Italy. This time around, my younger sister will be going in January!
So I started off this year in another country. My trip to Rome was the scariest, bravest, hardest, and most exciting thing I've ever done. I went because God asked me to, and I don't know exactly how it changed me, but it did. I got to see the body of St. Clare of Assisi, whom I am named after, I got to see Pope Benedict XVI from about five feet away, and I discovered the most magical substance on the face of the earth...Strawberry Gelato!
A lot of other amazing things happened this year, and terrible, hard things, too.
I moved twice in the past two years, met someone mildly famous who I admire, cut my hair too short three times in a row, went to the funeral of a wonderful friend, saw my first friend for an afternoon, spent a week with my best friend and his family, continued to work at a grocery store, applied for Catholic ministry work, procrastinated and slacked off in my studies, said goodbye to a lot of friends going to college, bought a laptop named Quincy, thought I had my wallet stolen, attended an amazing art class, made Pascal from the movie Tangled out of wire, wrote a 50,000 word novel in 30 days, went to a Britt Nicole concert, saw no movies in the theater, ate my weight in egg roles, rediscovered my favorite musical, caught up with my extended family, read a bunch of stunning books....and basically fell more in love with God.
I am looking forward to 2013. I have an interview in January with a United States based missionary organization, and if I get excepted, I'll spend nine months serving the Church by sharing my faith with young people. I will probably find a new job since mine is starting to cost me due to gas money, and I might actually get a driver's license. Maybe.
I will graduate sometime in the spring, and while I have no plans for going to college yet, I recently took my ACT and will find out my scores soon. My options are open.
I have no idea what God has in store for me, but I'm excited. He has a perfect plan, and He has never, ever let me down. I am secure in Christ, and I will continue to try and serve Him above all things, and become a saint.
As I usually do at the end of each year, I like to pick a favorite song or a song that really sums up how I feel about this year and next year. This is extremely difficult for me as I run on music and its been a whole 365 days of awesome songs. But, like I said, I went to a Britt Nicole concert this past fall, and it was really inspiring for me. Britt Nicole is an amazing young woman who has given God her all, and at her concert she said something kind of awesome. She said that no matter how big our dreams are, God's dreams for us are bigger. That is definitely true for my life; I have no idea where I'm going, I'm dreaming too small. But I will follow God wherever His dreams for me will go.
Basically, Britt Nicole is awesome, and I hope I can see her perform live again someday.
So, my song this year is from her. Enjoy, God Bless you, and Happy New Year 2013!
So, the lovely Emily of findingaquietcorner.tumblr.com gave me a most wondrous Christmas present. She drew little illustrations of my NaNoWriMo book characters, and here they are!!
I can't actually express how much I love these drawings. Barbara and Padraig are absolutely perfect. This is actually one of my favorite things...when people draw my book characters? Yeah. Best thing in the world.
I haven't had this good of a laugh in a while. I was bored, I was online, so I googled 'story creator' seeing what would come up, and I found this site, where you enter a bunch of random things and it creates a whole story out of them. After 30 days of madcap writing, it was really very entertaining to have a ridiculous story written FOR me. It's hilarious because I had no idea what it was going to do, so I put in my friend Steve's name, and it turned him into a blue fish (who apparently has a scruff you can pick him up by)! Enjoy!
"A SHORT STORY", by Clare Bear
Once upon a time there was a young girl named Clare. Clare was 17 years old and lived in Minnie, Minnesota. While walking home from school one day, a blue fish jumped out from behind a train car and tackled Clare to the ground. But just when she was about to let out a scream for help, Clare realized that the blue fish was only licking her face, not trying to bite it off. At that moment, Clare decided to keep the blue fish as a pet. And on the way home she decided to name her pet blue fish "Steve."
When Clare and her new pet finally got home, guess who was standing on the front porch? That's right, it was Clare's mother, Julie. And boy was she surprised to see a blue fish following Clare into the yard! "What in world is that?" shouted Julie. "It's a blue fish," answered Clare. "Dah, I can see that, Clare, but what on earth is it doing here?" said Julie. "It's my new pet!" answered Clare. "Oh you think so do you?" remarked Julie. "I wouldn't get your hopes up. You know how your father hates blue fishs. But, well, I suppose you can keep him until your father comes home." And with that Clare grabbed Steve by the scruff of the neck and led her new pet into the house -- even though she knew her father was probably going to dissaprove.
Once in the house, Clare and Steve played and played, that is until Clare's favorite television show, "Doctor Who," started. At that point Clare forgot all about Steve having an unsupervised run of the house. That is until half way through "Doctor Who," when Clare was brought back to reality when she heard her father shout, "rage!! Clare! Get your rump in the basement...NOW!!" With that Clare rushed into the basement to see what all the fuss was about.
When she entered the basement, there stood her father, Mike, pointing toward the ottomon. "Will someone please explain that?" asked her father. Then, as Clare followed her father's finger to where it was pointing, she instantly knew what her father was so upset about. There, smack dab in the middle of the ottomon, was the biggest pile of fish doo-doo she had ever seen! "I don't EVEN want to know how that got there," said Mike. "But you had better get it cleaned up now! And you had better get rid of whatever it is that could have done such a thing!"
Well, knowing her father as well as she did, Clare knew there was no sense even asking her father if she could keep Steve for a pet. So without hesitation, Clare set out to find where Steve was hiding.
After a few minutes of looking, Clare discovered Steve crouched beneath the table that Clare did her writing on. "Come on, Steve, it's time to find you a new home. And hey, don't look at me that way, I'm not the one who did the dirty deed on the ottomon!" scolded Clare. "Thanks to you I'll never get to have my own pet fish!! And with that Clare led Steve out of the house and down to the local Michael's. Michael's had a pet section and Clare knew the owner would find Steve a good home. So after saying good-bye to Steve, and thanking the owner of Michael's, Clare walked backed home and attempted to dround her sorrows by slamming down a half dozen Arnold Palmers. But Clare's pitty party came to an abrupt end when her father reminded her about the mess she had neglected to clean up. And low and behold, midway through the clean-up, Clare suddenly became thankful that someone else was going to have to do it from now on.
I have been tagged for the Eleven Questions game byAnne Mare Schlueter! I must now share 11 things about myself, than answer Anne Marie's 11 questions for me. After that, I'm apparently supposed to tag someone else. Mwahaha. So, here goes!
1. I said my first word 3 months old (I said 'Hi!'), and I haven't stopped talking since.
2. I have been home schooled K-12, and no one has ever been able to give me a reason I WANTED to go to school.
3. My two best friends both live in the time zone one hour ahead of me, so I can stay up later than they can! (NO, that really doesn't make me any happier that they're like 16+ hours away).
4. My favorite book in the Narnia series by C. S. Lewis is #3 The Horse and His Boy.
5. My favorite song is Broken by Lifehouse, the radio version.
6. My favorite book of the Bible is probably Tobit. Favorite verse, 6:17 "Do not be afraid, for she was destined for you from all eternity. You will save her and she will go with you."
7. I have been less than 5 feet away from Pope Benedict XVI.
8. I wish my hair was long enough that I could sit on it.
9. Myfavorite Audrey Hepburn movie is Sabrina.
10. I still watch Thomas the Tank Engine.
11. My favorite dress was bought for me by a boy.
And now, Anne Marie's 11 questions!
1.) Bach or Beethoven? Beethoven, partially because of Schroeder from the Peanuts cartoons, partially because of Moonlight Sonata. 2.) What was the first thing you've ever written? Or something you wrote when you were young? I don't remember what the FIRST thing I wrote was. I recall a book about secret agents, complete with illustrations. But the book that started my adoration for writing was a story about a young man in Ireland who met St. Patrick, 3.) Roses or Violets? Roses! 4.) Young Adult books or Adult? Depends on the book, but usually Young Adult. I'm thinking Notes From the Midnight Driver by Jordan Sonnenblick here. Love that book. 5.) Who is your favorite bad guy? Hmm. That's tough. I don't think Zuko from the Avatar: The Last Airbender series counts, because he turned good in the end. So probably Mother Gothel from the movie Tangled. 6.) Where do you typically write? There is no typical for me. Wherever the muse attacks. But I guess I write MOST frequently in my bedroom, sitting on the floor. 7.) MP3 player, iPod, or just internet music? MP3 player, but because of the very, VERY small memory on my MP3, I listen to a lot of music online, too. 8.) Black or blue pen? Black. 9.) Google Docs or Microsoft Word? Microsoft Word <3 10.) Which season do you find the most inspirtional for writing? Autumn. For some reason, most of my stories involve that season. 11.) What is the most common word in your vocabulary? Embarrassingly enough, it's either 'like' or 'awesome'. Probably 'like'. And now, who should I tag? If she wants to, I tag Amy from Miss Pronunciation! Here are your questions, Ames: 1. Why did your parents name you Amy? 2. Have you ever broken a bone? 3. Can you give a synopsis for what you are currently writing? 4. Tumblr or Blogger? 5. How many concerts have you been to in your life? 6. How did you meet your best friend? 7. What is your favorite word in a language besides English? 8. Can you dance? 9. What's your favorite kind of pie? 10. What is your favorite day of the week? 11. Favorite TV show? Ta da!
According to Socrates, “There is no possession more valuable than a good and faithful friend.” But what is it that makes a good and faithful friend? Obviously good friends are loving; that almost goes without saying. But there is more to it than that. I know from my own personal experience that good friends are rare, but worth seeking out. I also know that every person is unique and no two people are alike. There is no ‘good-and-faithful-friend’ mold. However, there are a few key qualities that every truly good friend has.
First and foremost, a good friend is genuine. They are honest and sincere, no matter who is around or what you’re doing. An experience I had with a careless friend was that she was sincere when it was just the two of us, but tended to ignore me, or even be unkind to me when people she cared more about impressing were around. Another quality of a genuine friend is that they take a sincere interest in you, what you say, your life, and how you’re doing. They don’t just tell you all about what they’re doing and what they think, but make sure to pay special attention to your thoughts and feelings. They don’t interrupt, and they don’t just listen; they also consider what you have to say. I’m often the kind of friend who likes to hear about myself too much; even when I am truly interested in the person I’m talking to. A genuine friend knows when to be silent, brutally honest, or simply kind. If you ask a good friend if you look ok, they’ll probably say yes even if you look terrible because they don’t care what you look like, and they don’t want to hurt your feelings. But a true friend, in ordinary circumstances (where no one is in danger), never tells a lie. They will always be honest and answer a question, even a painful one, for the sake of their friend.
Secondly, a good friend is patient and merciful. I have both been the friend and had the friend who listens quietly while someone just needs to vent about something, or express a fear, joy, or frustration. It can be annoying, but people can’t very often figure everything out on their own. A good friend supports you through all the stressful, emotional times. A patient friend is also willing to accept your everyday faults and failings. When my best friend and I were eight or nine, we decided to come clean about the one thing that truly annoyed us about the other. I admitted I got annoyed when she wanted to help her mom or do work when I came over, but in the end I learned that I would rather pull weeds with that girl than never see her at all. Her annoyance with me was even smaller; she disliked how I almost never got my hair cut! We became closer and more patient with each other through admitting those petty little annoyances, even though we were so young. Also, a good friend is merciful. No matter how many times you screw up, they will forgive all your faults and every little annoyance.
A good friend is not only merciful, they are self-sacrificing. I remember my older sister had made plans with three friends to go to a dance, but a few days before, came down with a bad cold and just didn’t feel well enough to get dressed up and be active all night. She hated to disappoint her friends, but they cared more about her well-being than their fun night. They all cheerfully and drastically altered their plans so that rather than going out and dancing, they had a low-key night together watching movies and playing board games. Their genuine love for my sister drove them to sacrifice themselves and cater to her needs, not even minding if she got them sick. The truth is, the best of friends will always do what is best for you, even though that might not always be to take you back if you’ve hurt them. I know several people who had to very decisively end friendships that were hurting them, ultimately for the good of their misguided friend, who they still truly cared about. A self-sacrificing friend wills your happiness and well-being over their own, and will do what is best for both of you, not what is least painful or most convenient.
Finally, a good and faithful friend is just that; faithful. Faithfulness is the only thing that keeps friends together, especially long-distance friends. The friends I have who live closest to me are over two hours away, and without faithful friendship, it would be so easy, and at times convenient, to lose track of each other completely. However, I have been blessed with very faithful friends, who not only want to keep up with me; they make a sincere effort to, in spite of their busy lives and the other friends they see far more regularly. A faithful friend is also persistent in trying to help you; to achieve a dream, difficult trials, or simply with correcting personal flaws. Faithful friends never give up on you, and never let you give up on yourself, either. Faithful friends also take the time to look for the best in you. My friend once told me I should be a seamstress and a comedian in the same day. She has always assured me that whatever she loves in me, all the good she sees in me, I could make a whole career out of.
Without a doubt, my best friends, the most good and faithful, are the ones who, when I’m with them, I’m my favorite version of myself. Through their sincerity, patience, mercy, self-sacrifice, and faithfulness, they encourage me to be better than I am now. Absolutely everyone needs good and faithful friends, and so hopefully I can be a good friend, too.
Does someone ever go completely, ridiculously out of their way, just for you, so that you can be happy?
Oh, man...I pray everyone has that, at least once. It's the most amazing, convicting feeling in the world.
Earlier this week, my mom and the mom of my best friend in the whole wide world each drove completely out of their way, six hours total, so that my best friend and I could see each other for three hours.
I met my bestest friend ever nine years ago. When we were ten, she and her family moved about four states away, and we went from seeing each other as frequently as twice a month to once a year. Its been really hard, and sometimes I feel like we're losing touch entirely.
But every single time we get back together, it's like we were never apart. We scream. We hug. We make a hysterical scene (usually in public...sometimes we even run in front of buses!). And than we move on and talk each other's ears off and do random stuff and just be together. When you love somebody so much for so long, just their presence is like having a twelve hour party with root beer floats and pinatas!
Living four states away, these get-togethers can be unreasonably scarce.
Enter the Moms.
They love us so much. I mean, really. Who in their right mind drives six hours so their daughter can wander around a mall with her best friend for three hours?
People who love you.
I don't deserve this much love. If love was something that had to be earned, most of us would be sad, lonely, and wholly loathed by our parents and acquaintances.
But love is not a reward; its a gift.
Once, a very awesome guy (hi, Bob!) said something that struck me very much; "You can never repay love. You can only give it away."
Love transcends value. It transcends reality. You would (or...should) never give someone a million dollars every time they cleaned their room just because you liked them. But for no reason whatsoever, my parents will hug me or kiss me, remind me how much they love me and how proud they are of me.
Me, the person who can't seem to get anything together in her life! Me, the emotional red-haired fruitcake with communication issues! Me. They love me. Not for what I can do, or what I can produce, or how I can repay them for the ridiculous things they do for me (like driving those six hours).
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