Friday, June 17, 2011

Growing up...

How long are you actually 'growing up'? Does it end when you turn 18? 19? 21? 27?

When ARE you 'grown up'?

And I'm not just talking about height and shoe size here.

I think I'm having an 'emotional growth spurt'.

Its basically like a regular growth spurt only...emotional.


Why, you might ask, would I come to believe such a thing?

Well...about three years ago the same thing happened. I started going backwards...I whined more, acting more childish, and cried a lot. Not TOO terribly long after that horrendous phase, I became more mature. Sort of. And now I'm kind of feeling that way again. Everyone is telling me I'm doing something wrong, when I'm being myself. I don't know about you, but for me, that's pretty rough.

Example: I tell people about something I did because it was really meaningful to me and turned out very well, and I felt really good about it in my heart. A chorus of, "You did WHAT!?" and "NEVER do that!" come at me like a collapsing building. So I huddle back inside my shell and wonder what I did wrong.

I didn't really do anything wrong, I guess. I just need to stick by myself. What happens when you abandon your own fight? retreat or surrender. You lose.

I've always hated growing. I think it started when I outgrew a most hideous pair of red gel sandals, and I had planned on keeping them forever. One of my favorite songs is Taylor Swift's Never Grow Up, just because I feel like it speaks to the part of my heart that will always cling to the brief time I was two feet tall, had no responsibilities, and was worried about nothing but staying safe in my mom's arms.

Maybe someday I'll be all 'grown up'.

Probably not, though : ).

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